Home Blog

Share your news and articles with RHC members.

Just click on ADD NEW ARTICLE and complete the form.
More details about our
Blogs & Featured Articles

The Art of Communication

Posted on September 25, 2017 at 9:38 pm
By pamc
SHARE THIS POST ON:

One section in my intake form is on communication. This is often the part that causes the most discussion. Each person brings with them a different style of communication and it can often feel like our partner might as well be talking a different language!

If we start to feel like our partner is either not “hearing” or if we just can’t understand what our partner needs things can start to come adrift. Couples find ways to short circuit the tension by avoiding certain subjects or by simply not talking. This leads to feeling disconnected or isolated in the relationship. It is often at this stage that I find a couple sitting in front of me for couples counselling. “We feel like we are drifting apart”

Communication is the corner stone of every relationship. Surprisingly, whilst we live in a society that bombards us with multiple ways of communicating, we are not always very good at finding a way to be heard and have our needs met. We assume that our partner should simply know what it is that we need. I have sat with many a couple who has one partner saying, “but I shouldn’t have to ask him, surely he should know what I want”. Well this is where it all goes wrong. None of us are mind readers and this crystal ball thinking leads us straight to feelings of resentment, disappointment and isolation. What holds us back from asking for our needs to be met?  Perhaps we believe that we have made our needs clear to our partners. Perhaps our partners are flaying around in the dark ever hopeful that they are fulfilling the needs they think they understand you have.

This is the very nub of the work we do. Truly coming to a co-created understanding of, not only how we meet each other’s needs but also that we find that which is in the best interests for the relationship. The process is about truly understanding each other, where do these needs come from and how can they be met whilst keeping in mind what it is that is in the best interests of the relationship. If we find a way of nurturing the relationship then we nurture ourselves.

So, there's no big mystery! Time for some communication that is truly meaningful and useful for your relationship, to meet everyone’s needs and so you can both start to talk the same language. The extraordinary thing is that it often only takes some small steps to turn a relationship into a truly connected one.

If communication is getting in the way of you having a flourishing relationship then please do contact me for a no obligation conversation to see how we could be of help.

Pam Custers & Associates are experienced relationship therapists in Private practice, with offices in Wimbledon, Harley Street and Hampton Court. 

Pam Custers & Associates - The Relationship Practice.

 

 


Comments

  • Be the first to comment!

Leave a comment