Interview by Sarah Austin, Founder & CEO of Really Helpful Club
Talking about ageing and end-of-life planning can be one of the hardest conversations to start with loved ones. These sensitive topics can bring up fears, worries, and sometimes even guilt, yet they are essential to ensuring that our families are prepared and empowered as we navigate life’s transitions. At Really Helpful Club, we understand the complexities of family dynamics, which is why we’re thrilled to highlight Carol Sargent, founder of Sargent Group Consulting, who brings over 30 years of experience in family care planning, mediation, and care management. Carol has a unique understanding of the challenges families face in handling ageing discussions, and her compassionate approach has helped countless families navigate these difficult moments.
In this Q&A, Carol shares practical advice and her personal experiences to help families open up these important discussions in a thoughtful way. For even more guidance, join us at our upcoming Family Matters – Solutions for the Sandwich Generation on the 15th May 2025. This event will offer a safe space to learn from experts, connect with others in similar situations, and gather tools to help your family plan for the future.
Why is it important for families, especially those in the ‘Sandwich generation,’ to have open discussions about ageing?
Carol Sargent: Being open about ageing is crucial because it allows everyone involved to understand each other’s wishes and make informed decisions before a crisis arises. For families balancing both young and elderly family members, these conversations reduce stress and prevent last-minute decision-making that can feel overwhelming. Discussing topics like wills, care preferences, and even end-of-life wishes can empower everyone to move forward with confidence and ensure that our loved ones’ final years are aligned with their values.And spend quality time with one another.
What practical ways can families begin these conversations before they become urgent?
Carol: A gentle way to start is by gifting your parents or grandparents a memory book. This can help you uncover their stories and perspectives while opening up conversations about aging. Another approach is to lead by example: create your own power of attorney and share your reasoning with them, making it an opportunity to discuss each other’s wishes. Discussing recent events in the family or in the news can also serve as an entry point. Conversations don’t have to be heavy from the start—they can evolve naturally over time.
How can these discussions alleviate stress for families?
Carol: Knowing your loved one’s wishes in advance can be a huge relief. You can focus on quality time rather than worrying about whether you’re making the right decisions. It also reduces conflict, as other family members won’t need to debate or second-guess what the best course of action is. It’s a way to support each other without adding unnecessary stress and to avoid feelings of guilt or regret down the road.
What challenges do families often face in discussing ageing, and how can they overcome them?
Carol: Many parents feel that the focus should remain on the younger generations, and they may downplay their own needs. My father used to tell me to focus on my children instead of him. I would reassure him that having these conversations would allow me to do both—support him and still be present for my kids without added worry. Privacy is another barrier; some parents may be hesitant to discuss health or finances. Here, it helps to remind them that these conversations are not only about their well-being but about reducing stress for everyone involved. When they understand this, they may feel more comfortable sharing.
How can early conversations positively impact intergenerational relationships?
Carol: Discussing things like a bucket list, for instance, can create shared goals and experiences across generations. It helps everyone understand what matters most to parents or grandparents, so we can support them in continuing those activities. My own experience has shown me that these talks build unity within a family. Knowing everyone’s preferences can prevent arguments and helps us focus on what really matters: spending meaningful time together.
What inspired you to champion open discussions about ageing within families?
Carol: My experiences have profoundly shaped my view. I remember, as a child, not being allowed to say goodbye to my grandmother, who had terminal cancer. Later in life, with my parents, there were many situations where important decisions were left unresolved, leaving me with difficult questions and a heavy emotional burden. These memories drive me to encourage others to have these discussions early, so they don’t face the same regrets I did.
For families looking to start these discussions, where would you recommend they begin?
Carol: I recommend a resource called My Future Care Handbook. It’s a comprehensive guide that helps families record and share their preferences—from medical wishes to memorable moments they’d like to create with loved ones. This tool is a great way to bring families together and make sure everyone is on the same page.
Finally, what’s your advice for those feeling uncertain about starting this conversation?
Carol: My advice is to start small and build from there. These conversations don’t have to be daunting; they can begin with simple questions and stories. Just take the first step—it will give you and your family peace of mind, and it brings you closer together, which is the most important part.
Talking about ageing isn’t just about preparing for the future; it’s about nurturing family bonds and ensuring that everyone’s wishes are respected. By taking the steps Carol outlines, families can reduce stress and create a supportive environment, empowering each generation to thrive. Family Matters – Solutions for the Sandwich Generation event in May 2025 will also be a wonderful opportunity to continue this conversation, with experts and resources to guide you through every aspect of family care planning.
For more tailored advice and to explore trusted experts across health, finance, and family support, visit our Members’ Directory. Together, we can build a strong network to help your family plan for the future—because when families plan together, they grow stronger together.
