ONE SIMPLE (BUT EFFECTIVE) TIP TO BREAK THAT LOW-SELF-ESTEEM-CYCLE

ONE SIMPLE (BUT EFFECTIVE) TIP TO BREAK THAT LOW-SELF-ESTEEM-CYCLE

Self-esteem is perhaps the most under-valued part of what makes up our mental health. At worst, it can lead you to do things you’d never normally consider doing – poor relationship choice, drinking heavily and substance abuse are classic symptoms of low self-esteem – but at best it can propel you to achievements and courses of action that are immeasurably good for your well-being. Self-esteem is a powerful tool for sure.

Self-esteem refers to how you feel about yourself. It’s your overall view of you as a person, good or bad. A self-critique, if you like. Naturally, if you have a negative view of yourself, your self-esteem will be low and you won’t be maximising the opportunities that life throws at you. Apply for that dream job? No point, says the person with low self-esteem, you’ll never get it. And don’t even think about asking that person you like out for a drink!

But, developing and maintaining a strong self-esteem is entirely possible, even if you consider yourself a lifelong sufferer of low self-esteem. Although our self-esteem is a product of the recent experiences in life and the way we’ve processed them – negative experiences and a subsequent negative thought process will inevitably lead to low self-esteem – it is entirely possible to reprogram yourself into processing these experiences differently.

The key here is to recognise that low self-esteem isn’t due to the negative events, but the way we’ve processed them. Not getting a job you interviewed for might be a negative experience on the face of it, but it only becomes so when you’ve thought about it in such a way that it becomes a dent in our self-esteem: “I’m not good enough…” or “I’ll never get the job I want…” Now switch that around: “They’re missing out as I have lots to offer, and another company will recognise this soon…”

The example that often sticks in our minds from The Thrive Programme, is that of a Vietnam War-era US pilot called Jim Stockdale. Stockdale was captured and held as a prisoner of war for a number of years in terrible conditions with little hope for release, and you might think that these events had an irrevocably negative effect on his life.

However, in his own words: “I never lost faith in the end of the story, I never doubted not only that I would get out, but also that I would prevail in the end and turn the experience into the defining event of my life, which, in retrospect, I would not trade.”

The way Stockdale processed these events is an extreme example, but shows that it’s often not the experience that has the damaging effect, but the thought processes that come along for the ride too. Change the process, change the experience, change your self-esteem.

Stockdale retired a Vice Admiral in the 70s and went on to be a Vice-President candidate in the 90s. Do you think he could’ve done all this, if suffering from low self-esteem borne out of his earlier experiences? (He became quite famous when he returned).

So, self-esteem is really important and hopefully you’ll know that here at The Thrive Programme, we don’t just talk about mental health, we teach you the HOW! Here’s something you can do.  On a daily basis pick out three things that really matter to you – family, work and personal life, for example – and take a few minutes to process the positive aspects of each one from the past two weeks (your self-esteem is based on events, experiences and thought processes from your short-term memory).

Think of your self-esteem as a wall, with positive thought processes (even in the face of seemingly negative events) adding bricks and mortar to the wall, which underpins your general mental health. With each brick it becomes stronger, bigger – less prone to crumbling. You’re literally building self-esteem and all that goes along with it; confidence, self-worth, having a positive outlook. Generally thriving.

For example, if you telephoned your best mate at the weekend and had a great conversation – process this as spending quality time with a much-loved person in your life. You’ll even find yourself smiling when you think back on it, adding yet another brick into your wall of self-esteem. But if you also went shopping and forgot to take your bag for life (again!), you could process this as a negative – a brick missing from your wall; or, you could think about how your recycling bin is always far fuller than your normal bin and remember those crisp packets you rescued from a pond the other day – brick added!

Understanding self-esteem is key in understanding yourself. Negative thought processes can leave your self-esteem in tatters, but using the above technique and the others within The Thrive Programme, empowers you to take control of your mental health. It’s not that difficult at all – it just involves changing how you look at things.

Please do not hesitate to contact me if you’d like further information about The Thrive Programme or if you’d like to do our free assessment which will give you an 11 page report on where your beliefs and thinking styles currently are.