Creating love that stands the test of time. The relationship Practice
Making Love Last
Q.
Dear Pam
Have you thought about what makes love last? How can we bolster love?
MW
https://www.pamcusters.co.uk/couple-intensive/
A.
Dear MW
It is that time of year. Love songs are being played, the sun is shining and days are gradually lengthening. My life is spent thinking, talking and researching love and what makes it last. I was fascinated to read John Gottman’s psychological research into what makes love last and the five indicators he identified. His work in his relationship lab is able to tell within 94% accuracy if a relationship will last or not.
So, what are these five areas and how can we cultivate and strengthen them in order to bolster love?
Love lasts if we are able to relate tales that have warmth, affection and respect for each other. If we think and speak about our relationship with fondness and admiration, we foster it.
Keep the focus on “we” as opposed to “me”. Have a clear sense of being in this together and working as a team even if there are disagreements.
Truly knowing our partner…the trick here is keeping a real connection and understanding how our partner ticks. Being curious about what our partner thinks or feels about things, keeps us connected.
All relationships face hardships along the way. Love thrives if they can be seen as a way in which a couple pulls together and over comes adversity.
Having a relationship that lives up to expectation or better still perhaps surpasses it in some ways, bodes well. Feeling satisfied and letting our partner know, engenders love.
So, before you rush off to buy your Valentine’s Day card, perhaps we could all look towards these five areas:
- Genuine fondness
- Making the relationship central
- Keeping connected
- Pulling together through tough times
- Feeling satisfied
If you are struggling to keep the love alive, take heart and know that if we take charge of our relationship, we are able to turn things around. In my experience, small changes make all the difference.
Pam Custers
Relationship Therapist
www.pamcusters.co.uk
Pam Custers is an experienced therapist working with individuals, couples and families.
MA. BA (Pscych) Hons and is RELATE trained. MBACP (accredited)
Her practice works with individuals, couples and families. She has four highly trained and compassionate associates who offer sessions in three London locations and if you are further afield, via Skype.
Contact 07914411729 www.pamcusters.co.uk
Pam Custers & Associates. The Relationship Practice.
