My Story was written to help you
If you haven’t experienced it you can’t understand your client
My Story
My story began long before I was involved or could do anything about it.
My mother told me when I was a child that she, my sister, and I would have to cope on our own.
I wasn’t entirely sure what that meant.
But all I can think about is that maybe my mother won’t cry in the bathroom anymore, that Christmas won’t be sad with fighting, and that laughter was never in our house.
We weren’t physically alone without a father, but we were mental.
People frequently say that your father is your first husband and that your father is your first husband’s role model.
I believe you could perhaps look for qualities in your husband that you did not find in your father or a combination of the two.
In my case, I was on the lookout for the ideal picture book family.
I aspired to be a stay-at-home mother with a large family and a devoted husband and father.
Isn’t that incredible?
We have a saying in German, ‘erstens kommt es anders, zweitens als man denkt,’ which roughly translates to “firsts comes it differently, secondly never as you think.”
And I believe that accurately describes my life.
I was never part of the cool crowd in school; today, I would say it isn’t so important, but for a young adolescent, it is, especially when you need a break from the constant fighting and animosity in your home life.
I joined the local scuba diving club, which was very cool, and the signs for the craving of love, acceptance, and physical love became very clear very quickly.
I was yearning for affection.
I received all of their affection, love, and attention.
The battleground was frequently taken out on the back of the children’s emotions at home, and the demand for loyalty and taking sides was almost daily life.
Anorexia became a coping mechanism for me at the age of 14, and with the possibility of creating a spoiler alert, it took decades for it to truly no longer rule my life; it was always there, even when I was full-figured, the demon was always in my head.
I discovered how to be a people pleaser.
Pleasing people meant getting what you wanted, which in my case was primarily love and affection.
I had a fresh start with a new school and new people.
I had switched from studying to become an Agricultural Technical Assistant to my lifelong dream of studying medicine.
I want to help as many people as possible and possibly work with doctors without borders or something similar.
I wasn’t sure how that would work with my picture book family dream at the time.
But Life has its own rules, and I had mine.
I have a very cool boyfriend who is good-looking, a year older than me, and mostly in the same class as me.
Everything was perfect.
Then my life took a turn for the worse when I became pregnant.
I was subconsciously compelled to keep that baby, so much so that I didn’t tell anyone until the beginning of the fifth month.
That is quite an accomplishment. I had exams, my mother was away visiting friends, and my father was present, but I didn’t ‘have time to consider something so drastic.
This happens to others, not to me.
A phrase that became my life motto.
To make a long story short, many people tried to persuade me and doctors to abort the baby, but thankfully my mother was on my side and I was able to keep my baby.
You can imagine the drama between the two families at times; my learned people pleasing became a survival mechanism because being grateful was to be expected because I had or rather we had affected so many lives.
Don’t misunderstand me. I was grateful for any assistance we received because we needed it; otherwise, our small family would not have included well-educated parents and a happy little boy.
I completed my A-levels while holding a two-year-old on my lap, and the need to earn money prevented me from studying medicine, so I instead studied nursing.
My boyfriend, then my husband, and I moved to South Africa when my son was four years old.
It was planned that I would learn enough English to work as a nursing sister in South Africa.
However, South Africa did not accept German nurses.
We decided to expand our little family and had a girl when my son was six, and another girl two years later, with an angel baby in between.
I couldn’t believe it.
I was a stay-at-home mother who enjoyed every minute of it.
With a baby on my lap, I decided to study fashion design, dress design, and pattern making and began sewing wedding gowns, matric dresses, and tailored wear from home for the next 25 years.
I relished every moment of having control over my life, including my weight with anorexia nervosa.
My pregnancies were always free of this demon, and I gorged myself.
Life began to spiral out of control at that point, eventually leading to
Again
‘That only happens to other people,’ says the author.
My husband left with my best friend, which was understandable given how young we were at the time.
But the worst tragedy for me was yet to come.
I met a man who seemed perfect, who loved my children and was gentle with me.
This chapter of my life could be a book in and of itself, but let’s keep it brief.
I stayed with this man for six years, married him after three, and endured constant beatings, and emotional and physical abuse, all while trying to protect my children. I lied to countless people about my situation, and the longer I stayed, the more I believed it was all my fault; it was a vicious circle of fear, anxiety, hiding, protecting my children, and an enormous amount of guilt.
I had no idea how I was going to get out of this.
I had no help; he was too cunning, and any form of rebellion on my part resulted in another beating, which I then tried to hide from my children.
I was told on a daily basis that if I left, I would end up in the gutters, but in the meantime, I was sewing almost every night, mostly through the night, and by then, I was also teaching various forms of group exercise at local gyms.
I loved both, but not under those conditions; the only reason I wasn’t breaking was for my children.
While working part-time in his office, a friend assisted me in getting a lawyer to finally get out of this situation.
He moved out, and I filed for divorce, but he continued to strike even when he wasn’t present.
He told the father of the children how badly I treated him, starting a new cycle of lies against which I had no defence.
In that relationship, I had three surnames, he never worked and earned no money, and I was the sole breadwinner.
And walked away after 6 years with a 12 million rand debt and most of my belongings gone, including sentimental items such as photos of my children.
He had built a web of lies and created so many different personalities that I thought I was watching a movie. It turned out that he had a different sexual orientation than me, so no sex life at all, that he did not have cancer as he claimed, and a variety of other huge lies.
He literally made up his life from ‘hello’ and ‘likes’ magazines.
After he left, the children’s father returned from vacation to inform me that they would now live with him.
I had no children with me from one day to the next.
I was heartbroken.
I met my previous partner at the gym and fell in love with him.
The usual story, living with an estranged wife who is obviously completely devoted to me.
After three months of the being hidden affair, I discovered that he had a codependent alcoholic relationship with his wife, and I literally rescued him ( worth a movie scene).
Guess what, this relationship was just as dysfunctional as the others, but after his wife died, we had a little girl, and I was happy.
Eventually, the binge drinking became so destructive that I couldn’t cope; my anxiety was constantly sky high, and I didn’t know what would happen if my partner was drunk all the time. This could last weeks or just a few days.
He was sick, but my love couldn’t heal him; I had learned so much by then.
My daughter and I relocated to live with a female friend.
This could have worked out well if we didn’t both come from dysfunctional families and just wanted to be friends, but our sexual orientations didn’t match and we split up.
This was the first time I was alone with my then-9-year-old child.
I had my own money, my own place, and a child living with me for the first time in my life.
And…an exciting new home studio for Pilates and coaching emerged.
I received assistance from a few people, for which I will be eternally grateful.
I had an amazing coach who helped me piece my soul back together and become the person I am today.
I bought my first home in 2019, and Sophie and I decided with her father to move to England in September 2020.
Her father stayed behind, and I was overjoyed to be closer to my older daughters, who had moved to the UK 5 and 7 years ago, respectively.
Now that I’m here, it’s 2022, and I’m building my business to better serve all of you.
I’m still learning new things every day, but all of the above is why I do what I do.
I never want anyone to go through the past I had to go through, let alone.
Pilates and coaching have helped me to re-emerge as a woman who faces the world every day with a renewed desire to conquer challenges and grow even more with each stretch.
This is why I’m calling my membership the ‘core confidence club,’ because no one is allowed to break you, and I’ll be there to help you get back on your feet and build a new path physically, mentally, and spiritually.
book your free first consultation with me
https://christianeebert.as.me/chat-together-to-get-to-know-eachother
